Luke Ford came over last night for latkes and the last night of Hanukah. I still hate his new site -- the bland Blogspot template seems to have gotten into his style -- but the other day he was his old self with a quintessentially Luke report about going to Friday Night Live services, a mixer for "young" singles 21-39, at Temple Sinai in Westwood:Oy do I know this scene. As a 51 yr old Jewish woman who gets mistaken for 38, I have to deal with these 50 yr old Peter Pans all the time. (Even if they think I'm 38 they don't want me, they go after the 28 yr olds.)Rabbi Wolpe noted that the synagogue had received numerous complaints about older men trying to "socialize" with the young women, and that such men should have the dignity to remove themselves before they were asked to leave.Luke always likes to go on about men's biological preference for young fertile women, even though he's arranged his entire life to be a young-fertile-woman-repellent, and in any case the older masher situation seems to continue past the demographic for whom reproduction is even an issue. I really don't like it when, as sometimes happens, men 20 or 30 years my senior ignore women their own age at events -- and even women who are just 10 or 15 years younger -- to try mooning around me instead. I don't feel flattered. I feel insulted on behalf of women who are closer in age to the old guys.
Applause immediately rippled through the synagogue, most of it from young women...
I was sitting by one man who was near 50. He leaned over to me and said, "Does this mean we should leave now?"
Miffed, I replied, "I'm 38. I'm staying. This service is for people 21-39."
Have my sins written themselves on my sagging features so deeply?
It is incredibly insulting. Thank you, Cathy, your solidarity is much appreciated.
The most annoying thing is that the boorish behavior of the 50 yr old men makes it impossible for the 50 yr old women to have a social life. First of all, most of the Jewish meet and greets become very strictly for under 40s, to keep them out. However, they also keep us out. So instead of having all ages events that anyone can enjoy, there are all these fun events for the young-uns to meet each other, and very few for us at all. Secondly, the few events for us, the men don't show up, because if they know there are only going to be women over 40 there, they think why bother. So the one or two events for single Jews over 40 become hen parties. And the guys are still trying to crash the under-40 events.
Every 4-5 years, one of them will actually land a wife 20 years his junior, which gives the rest of them (entirely unrealistic) renewed hope that it can happen to them too. So they go year after year, chasing the fountain of youth, looking ridiculous, and not dating anyone.
It's basically a form of intimacy avoidance.
Do gentile men behave this way?
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Do gentile men behave this way?Of course not. Gentile men always date age appropriate women and would never dream of mooning around the young ladies. *Snort*.
“Every 4-5 years, one of them will actually land a wife 20 years his junior, which gives the rest of them (entirely unrealistic) renewed hope that it can happen to them too”
LOL.. My husband's friend is in his late forties (gentile, athletic peter pan type) and his girlfriend wants to get married. Despite his wandering eye, he’s beginning to consider marriage too, because when he hits on younger women they’re confused - or they treat him with the respect they’d show to one of their dad’s friends.
Guess I'm the wrong person to ask. I'm in my late 30s and dating someone 12 years my senior. Wouldn't trade it for the world - when it's right, it's right.
One of the considerations in these things is child-caring (note: I did not say child-bearing) age. If the man in question wants children, or wants more children, then he's definitely up against an age ceiling in his potential partners. Mind you, if he's 50+ he also needs to think honestly about his own energy level, ability to care for a child, and what happens 20 years down the road when sonny-boy goes to college and he's 70+.
If you take child-rearing out the picture, then what you're left with isn't intimacy avoidance - it's often aging reality avoidance. The fact that the slang word "cougar" exists tells us that this isn't limited to just one sex, let alone one religion.
It's possible to be 50+, date someone much younger, and not come off looking like a dork. Mind you, it's also possible to put a car up on two wheels, recover it, and keep driving. In both cases, the phrase "beware of trying this stunt at home" applies unless you're one of the few who can pull it off.
For those who do, we ought to recognize that sometimes the love of one's life happens to be in another age group. The fact that some of these guys land younger women may encourage their buddies, but to me that's irrelevant if they've found real happiness themselves. Such a hard thing to do in this world, and good for them.
Meanwhile, any guy truly searching for happiness is foolish to write off his own age group. Sounds like quite the opportunity for smart guys, actually, given the situation described here for women over 40.
"If the man in question wants children, or wants more children, then he's definitely up against an age ceiling in his potential partners. Mind you, if he's 50+ he also needs to think honestly about his own energy level, ability to care for a child, and what happens 20 years down the road when sonny-boy goes to college and he's 70+."
Most of these guys give this as their reason. They have never been married before, but now they're 50 and want to start a family. So their choice is to go for young fertile women, with the risk that they could waste another 5-10 years without finding ANYONE, or accept that they too - like 50 yr old women - are past the age of starting a family, as far as their target prospects are concerned. But since their sperm are still viable, they think "why not me?"
Most of the guys who behave like this - in my experience - are totally out of touch with reality about their attractiveness to anyone, much less young women. These guys are not spectacularly successful charismatic studs, not the type to have a supermodel on each arm. They are regular schlumphs like the rest of us. They are balding, have paunches, and often their social skills suck.
And they do annoy the younger women at these events; I have heard younger women complain loud and long. So most of these older men are pathetic even in their illusions about starting a family with some healthy cute young thing. I understand their rationale, but they need a reality check.
I get turned on by the cute vibrant younger men, some of them are very mature and smart, and I wouldn't mind ending up with one of them (as long as they accept that no kids are in the offing), and I know that does happen occasionally. But I don't assume they are interested and completely ignore men my own age to chase after them, and I am aware that if I did I would look pathetic. That's the difference between us older women and the older men.
The old farts have no idea how to do it.
I'm 60. I have a son of 22. Some times he gets crazy and invites me to a party of kids his age.
Many of the women at those parties flirt with me. Why? Because it is so cool seeing a father and son getting along so well that they can share social scenes. Plus it impresses his friends male and female. Improves his social status too. (gee - I wish I had a dad or mom as cool as that)
With kids his age about 50% of the music they listen to is music of my era so I do not feel too out of place.
All in all most energizing.
My wife even likes the reports - sorta. I come back home with a very frisky attitude. It is true. Hanging out with youth keeps you young. Besides sometimes they even wonder how I know the words to half the songs.
My first mate reminded me - after I told her about the previous post - that it was not the first time I had "used" the boy in my flirtations.
When he was two I used to take him to the park in his stroller and the ladies would all flirt shamelessly with me. The first mate wasn't there but I reported back to her the events.
The clue here is that women love children. It warps their whole attitude towards a man.
--==--
I must say this too. As an adventurous sort of person, I have found the making of a family one of the greatest adventures life has to offer.
Four fine children later and I still haven't changed my mind.
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